dark focal point

I've killed you a thousand times in my nightmares
The corrosion of the stagnant memories still plague
No longer confused but in utter dismay over you
My fascination with the unknown causes only panic
The very thought of opening my mouth makes me gag
Like a bucket full of sand poured down my throat
I can not speak, nor can i comprehend how i think
The stains of time have only accomplished one thing
And that's decapitate my nervous system from loving
I can feel exactly what your feeling and its loss
Multiple complex patterns of self debate run deep
Inside I still feel haunted as if your here beside me
My constant state of preoccupation causes me to forget
But a part of me regurgitates the vile pulsating thoughts
Ones i so desperately need to bury away but i can't
The measurement of my present claim to well being
Only gratified due to my self promise and satisfaction
But monuments and melodies in my mind tune me into you
I stand there baffled and unaware that the ghost has come
The one that will not let me sleep or rest or live in peace
Your ghost haunts me still and i can no longer deny it
So if you wish to bury yourself inside me even without words
Take it... knock on the door and enter its open but remember
No one is there waiting for you, that place is abandoned
You will leave on your own accord, this you will render
Know what you have done, remember the everlasting fact
You broke whatever blood pulse i had and took it away
I am a marching silhouette guided by only his true friends

I can't accompany this piece with a crude conclusion
I'll see you in my nightmares, the thunder ground
Endless terrain of war the only thing that reigned
Lord why...

Night Eternities

A Thousand Eternities
The Rain will Fall
More and more, Even when we´re gone!
It wouldnot be stoped!
A million shed tears I can!
What feeds and fills of grace,
The Soul is the one single thing
That neither Eternities or Rains
Will wash away!

It's almost Oct. Things are going as planned and my determination hasn't been this high in over 15 years. I feel great. My motivation is a blend of positive vibes and pure rage. I unconventionally blend the two together and produce results. I am not so much obsessed with revenge as i once was, things are just unfolding as they should.

Today i am feeling anxious, restless and totally remorseless and unsympathetic. However i got a message today that put a smile on my face lol. I'm taking a break from poetry today. I can't guess about my past anymore but it won't stop me from serving the most vicious of truths

-upinsmoke

Tired

"Maybe I am the man with those mystic two heads
one facing down, the other facing back
but I don't know who I am
and you still don't know who I am

Maybe I am the man with the legendary four hands
To finger, to heal, crave and strangulate
but I don't know who I am
and you still don't know who I am

I am exhausted of returning to a place I've never been
I am exhausted of returning from a place I've never been

Maybe I am the man of the universal two words
The lie and the lie, the scorn and the scorn
You want to know how I am
To forgive me what I am

I am exhausted of returning to a place I've never been
I am exhausted of returning from a place I've never been

I forgot who I am but I am too tired to be it
I forgot who I am but I am too tired to live/leave it

I am exhausted of returning to a place I've never been
I am exhausted of returning from a place I've never been... "


Tired by Moonspell

subcon

out of grasp you have nothing to hold onto
your glare of quenched steel still stitched on my eyes
oh where has the pride gone after the attempt to push me down
a phase out gone wrong, always pretending full of lies
so what have we learned today
your loneliness can't surpass your greed
its your greed that pushes you down and makes you cross that line
so when the time came to test the heart it was on pause
now that it resumes reality has set in my fickle swine
can you bear living in the prison you call home
insecurities betrayed your mind
creating a mold of something unattainable
that object of your desires lacks vision
dedication crumbled agenda
wasted words and resolutions you only speak to
flex your jaw, epic fall
seek emotional guidance now from the reflection
yet nothing answers back
it goes to show that the end is never clear as day you make the call

The Truth

I haven't slept since I woke up



Get it?


& I don't plan to ever again, you dumb fucking twat.

new life sweet desire

You sat there across from me, i looked at you
My understanding came to an entire new level
Could this actually be happening?
Your purpose i am not certain of
Taking a chance to understand me
I only hope we can build on this
My patience bleeds but it works for you
In moderation i make an effort to show you
The man i am, the man i was, the man i wish to be
You know very well a bit of my past
Just know that i keep an open mind
Your beauty is capturing but inside i crave
To know exactly if this dream is true
I'm not sure where this will go
Take it a step at a time
You are gorgeous, beautiful terror
I won't fall off or lose my balance
I couldn't be anymore prepared
Then i am this day

So i dedicate this to you my new wonder
I couldn't be anymore engulfed
Your body is a piece of art
Could your mind be of the same mold?
She is worth something
Some kind of effort and mystery
My mystery, the puzzle that i never get
Love
Don't go off wandering away from me
Too many twists, how could this be possible?
I'll be here

overview of lost patience

"The winds of change
Are in the air
The winds of change
Are everywhere"

"Your future lies within my eyes
What I predict will terrify
I can't control what comes to be
From the past to the present to eternity"


Don't ever think your better now
Your not
Shit beneath my feet
I'm rising from the ash, Your not the only one
Everyone is burning, they try to prove a point
Flashing there fake achievements
Seeing if i care, but i no longer do
Justice at last
Are you feeling trapped? wheres your peace lie?
Its too late, i know your soul lies in the young one
You no longer care to improve yourself
How do i do the things i do?
The severeness of the situation begs for an understanding
Not because i say so but that's just the way it is
I never brag, bragging enforces weakness
So walk around like your the queen
Behave like a rejected king
Toss your gold at me, only to fall away
In the end your just walking on a treadmill
Going nowhere staying in the same spot
You love that feeling...
Sin with a smile

Exiled into nothing... faded out

September

Where once great admiration lay, no more is found
The gratitude diminished, a simple glare is what remains
The endless time frame of despair is hell bound
Tormenting myself over a minuscule cause has left me wonder
What was the whole point of it all, could i have been so fraigle
The time to wake up is now, wasting time, move on... not ponder
A new wave is forming, the ocean is calm the shrapnel has sunk
Because the explosion was necessary, it signified the end of us
Now the restoration of me.
As i begin this new journey, the new inspiration comes from the hunter
The will to take what i want is in full operation and now i see
Its never too late to rise from the ash, we all face the day
However with all the constant change, one thing will remain the same
That my friend, i will never look at you the same way again.

Hurt

"I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way..."

Hurt by Nine Inch Nails